what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
