I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
