Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
