I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
