I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
