That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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