Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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