I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
