every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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