I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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