i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
