I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
