Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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