I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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