There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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