Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
