im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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