I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
