4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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