The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.