; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
