I CAN MOONWALK!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
