Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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