I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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