A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
