Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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