I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
