i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
