Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ok first of all what the fuck
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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