We're like a lot better than the average bears
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
