My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
