im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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