so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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