he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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