Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
