Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
