Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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