Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize