I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
