I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
