Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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