An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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