Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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