Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
