clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My cat gives me a boner
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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