we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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