I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
