Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
