update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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