so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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