i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You can't just leave with hair like that
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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