I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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