Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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