That's intense
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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