the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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