Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
