"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
