Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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