Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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